


The Long Kiss Goodnight

by Kittymama85



Category: Supernatural
Genre: F/M, Father-Daughter Relationship, Memory Loss, Mild Language, Mild Sexual Content, Minor Violence, Mother-Daughter Relationship, POV First Person
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-26
Updated: 2017-06-18
Packaged: 2018-06-04 17:39:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 11,211
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6668098
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kittymama85/pseuds/Kittymama85
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"It’s hard enough to recall what happened twelve months ago when I woke up alone, pregnant and confused."</p>
<p>A little story about finding your way back to the hunter lifestyle. Flashes and nightmares seem to be unlocking your lost memories of a time when you fought side by side with two warriors and an angel of the Lord. Only now, there is an extra package by the name of Riley.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> The title of this story was "borrowed" from the movie starring Geena Davis and Samuel L. Jackson. Good movie, check it out.

I love the fall. The cool breeze on your face with a hint of pumpkin spice and apple cider. The reds, yellows and oranges. The adorable child sized Halloween costumes in the stores. I wonder what I would have chosen when I was that age. Sometimes I try to think really hard about those memories, but I end up with a nagging headache. It’s hard enough to recall what happened twelve months ago when I woke up alone, pregnant and confused. 

That’s right, I’m a regular Charly Baltimore trying to make sense of my past while dealing with the present. I’m a receptionist for an oral surgeon in the Gettysburg area. It’s really a great place to live, especially during this time of year. It’s a pretty easy job considering I had no skills to speak of, or hell, even remember. I have a five month old daughter, Riley who I absolutely adore. She has my long eyelashes and hints of my dark brown curls, but her eyes are just like her father’s. True, I have no idea who her father is, but I’m assuming she got some good qualities from him. 

I find myself analyzing the many scars on my body, hoping that one day it’ll spark a neuron. Did I have a dangerous job, a daredevil lifestyle or was I just a hopeless klutz in my previous life? What’s the meaning behind this black, occult tattoo on my left shoulder blade? I enjoy sweets and spicy food, but can’t stand anything sour. I’m also partial to action packed movies, but find horror distasteful and unrealistic. Have I acquired these tastes recently or has it always been so? This is the shit that keeps me up at night. 

I’m not even sure what my real name is, so I just picked one at random from the three IDs I found in my wallet. Sarah Connor. Yep, that was a real clever one. At least it was a good conversation starter. Besides, I would like to think I had some kind of exciting life that mirrored the fast paced, save-the-world, sex with a hot guy from the future feel. Maybe Riley’s father was from the future. Yeah, this is definitely the shit I think about while I’m at work.

Then again, there could be a reason why I don’t remember much. Maybe something so horrific happened that my mind decided to split from reality and start anew. I do get glimpses, mostly in the form of indecipherable dreams. A little girl, who I believe is me, running through the grass laughing with a dog bounding behind her. My first kiss with a brown eyed boy behind the school building. A dark closet, silent cries and the feeling of dread. Nursing a broken rib with painkillers and a bottle of whiskey. Then, the most frightening of all - a black eyed woman grinning down at me, her mouth forming words that I couldn’t make out. I always woke up sweating, rushing to Riley’s crib to make sure she wasn’t in danger.

I write these flashes down in a journal, hoping they’ll make some sense as time goes on. If I’m meant to know the truth, it’ll happen. Until then, I’ll get up every morning, feed my daughter and get her dressed for the day, cry a little inside when I drop her off with my darling neighbor and head off to work. Afterwards, I’ll take Riley to the park, fix us both a healthy dinner on a small budget, then spend the rest of my evening singing lullabies and watching old reruns while she falls asleep in my arms. It’s a simple but content life. One that somehow, I can feel deep in my bones, is about to change.


	2. Ghosts Do Not Exist. Right?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> From Mama Bear to Ghostbuster. What a hell of a day you're having!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story doesn't follow the timeline of Supernatural exactly, but that's why I love writing because you can be creative with it!

It was a formidable battle I was facing with a worthy opponent. I could see that her guard was coming down and my chance to deliver the final blow was within reach. I quickly but quietly made my way into the room, watching as her eyes become hooded and a small gurgling sound escaped from her lips. I gingerly placed the tired infant into her crib and backed away slowly, breathing a sigh of relief when she didn’t immediately scream. Riley was finally down for her afternoon nap.

I shut the door to my bedroom, the only bedroom in our small but practical apartment, and made my way back to the kitchen. A grilled cheese sandwich with tomato soup was eagerly calling my name. It was the perfect comfort food on a crisp day and more importantly, cheap. I set about throwing some butter into a pan while keeping an open ear for any signs of Riley waking up. 

She’d been having a rough time this past week; waking up in the middle of the night crying. I tried to pacify her as best I could with swaddling, rocking and even singing my out of tune favorites. She just couldn’t seem to settle while she was in the apartment. I had asked my neighbor, Ginny if she was taking her naps during the week while I was at work. Riley would pass out as soon as Ginny laid her down, exhausted from the lack of peaceful sleep. I know that babies can be unpredictable, but this behavior had come out of nowhere. I felt helpless because I couldn’t make my child feel comfortable in her own home.

I sat down on the couch, placing my soup onto the coffee table to cool down while I munched on my sandwich. I had the TV on low, watching an aired version of It’s the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown because there wasn’t anything else decent on. I had the window next to me cracked so the cool breeze could filter in and I could hear the sounds of people milling about. It was a popular time of year for tourists; the ghost tours, the history, and the multitude of festivals. I had planned to take Riley to the National Apple Harvest Festival tomorrow but the forecast was calling for rain.

Fifteen minutes passed by before I started to get a little chilly and had to close the window. I draped a blanket over my legs and settled back down to start flipping through channels. Horror, talk shows, reality tv, cooking competition. I stopped on _Chopped_ , always trying to find new ideas with as few ingredients as possible. I drew the blanket up higher when another gust of cold hit me. I looked around the room to see if I had left any other windows open, but they were all closed. An odd feeling of dread passed through me causing the hairs on the back of my neck to stand up. There was something very familiar about this.

I sat up, simultaneously turning off the TV and listened. The apartment was silent, save for the beating of my heart ringing in my ears. I couldn’t understand why I was suddenly so uneasy. There was virtually zero crime in this area, so I wasn’t worried about a prowler. I didn’t smell any gas or smoke, so there was no danger there. It was a beautiful day outside, not a speck of dark clouds, thunder or lightening. Still, I had the nagging urge to get the hell out of there. 

As if on cue, Riley let out a pitiful cry that kicked my motherly instincts into overdrive. I took off down the hall and burst into our bedroom, the door slamming against the wall so hard that I felt the aftershock. Normally I wouldn’t have made such a ruckus, but my gut told me that my baby needed me _now_. The scream I had built up lodged in my throat when I came face to face with any parent’s worst nightmare. There was a man standing over Riley’s crib, grinning down at her with a haggard set of teeth. She was wailing, her chubby cheeks beginning to turn red and tiny tears started slipping from her eyes.

“Who the hell are you?” I demanded, taking a protective step closer to the crib. “Get away from my baby!”

At first he didn’t seem to notice me, keeping his gaze locked on Riley. As he went to grab ahold of the railing with his dirty hands, I quickly snatched her up and held her close to my chest. She felt warm and wet from her emotional outburst. The intruder tilted his head to look at me, studying my reaction in an almost fascinated way.

“You need to leave, NOW!” 

I began to back away from him, not wanting to turn my back in case he decided to make a move. How the hell did he even get in here? The window in the bedroom was shut, but we were also on the third floor. The front door had been in full view the entire time I was on the couch and the fire escape, which occupied the window in the living room, was obviously undisturbed. It was like he had appeared out of thin air.

Now, I had heard many stories of Civil War soldiers that had not moved on, especially in this historically haunted town. This man, however, was _not_ a solider. He wasn’t wearing a uniform, in fact his clothes were tattered and worn beyond recognition. His hair and teeth were unkempt and come to think of it, he wasn’t wearing any shoes. He looked like a creepy, old hobo. Besides, I didn’t believe in such nonsense.

“If you go now I won’t call the cops.” My feet made contact with the hardwood floor just outside the bedroom door. “If you don’t, I _will_ defend myself.”

I gave him a chance to speak, move, pass gas, _something_! He didn’t budge, just continued to watch me with a chilling grin on his face. I swallowed hard, realizing he wasn’t going to make this easy. I would have to make a break for the kitchen and grab one of the knives before he had a chance to overtake me. I hugged Riley tightly and booked it down the hall as fast as I could safely do so without hurting her. It made me very uneasy to lose sight of him, but I had no choice.

Just as I made it into the foyer I screeched to a halt, my mouth dropping open with a surprised scream. The man was now standing in the middle of my kitchen, that eerie smile still plastered on his face. I blinked once, twice. This wasn’t physically possible. People don’t just teleport from one room to another in seconds!

I didn’t bother to stick around and ask questions. With one arm still firmly wrapped around Riley, I grabbed the handle to the front door and flung it open. I left it open, not wanting to waste even half a second to close it and bolted for the stairwell. I had tunnel vision as I skittered down the two flights of stairs, not looking back in fear of what I might see. Riley was coughing now from all the crying she had endured but I had no time to stop and console her. It wasn’t until I ran into the daylight and crossed the street that I whipped around to see if the man had followed. He hadn’t.

Several people eyed me cautiously as they passed by, whispering to each other adamantly. What a sight it must have been. A sheet white, out of breath woman dressed in workout pants and a t-shirt with no shoes, hugging a snot nosed, red faced, terrified baby. 

“It’s ok, Riley. Shh, baby,” I soothed, rubbing her back. “We’re safe.”

I wiped the tears from her face and kissed her plump little cheeks several times, whispering calming words to her. The crying had subsided, but was now replaced with tiny sniffles. She rubbed her face into my bosom, obviously upset that her nap had been disturbed and by such a frightening specter. 

“Are you ok?” 

I looked up to find an older woman standing beside me, holding onto a young boy’s hand who I assumed was her grandson. She looked concerned, but the boy was already disinterested, eyes looking in all directions.

“I think so.” I glanced back towards my small apartment building. “There was a man in my apartment.”

“Oh dear. Did he hurt you?”

“No, just scared the fu- hell out of me and my daughter,” I quickly corrected myself. Not only was I in the company of a senior citizen, but Riley’s mind was like a sponge and I didn’t particularly want to instill such bad habits until she was at least five.

“We can call the police. I have a cellular phone.” She began rooting through her purse haphazardly. “My daughter made me get one in case of an emergency.”

I considered her offer but my instincts told me that the police couldn’t help me. What would I tell them anyway? A man appeared out of thin air, scared my poor baby, then teleported into my kitchen? It sounds ludicrous!

“Thank you, but I doubt it’ll do any good. He’s probably long gone by now.” God, I hoped so.

“That is a precious baby,” she gushed. I looked down and noticed that Riley had mostly composed herself and was gazing at the woman curiously.

“Thank you. Her name is Riley.”

“I remember when my grandson was that size.” She sighed and shook her head. “They grow up so fast.”

“What’s his name?” I asked, nodding towards her companion. He was now kicking pebbles into a nearby storm drain to occupy his time.

“Dean. He’s four.”

A glimmer of recognition ignited in my head at the mention of his name. Dean. I couldn’t picture his face or hear his voice, but those four letters called out to me. A friend, a relative maybe?

“Grandmaaaaa. I want my pumpkin,” he whined. 

“Ok, we’re going to get your pumpkin sweetheart.” She smiled down at him before turning her attention back to me. “You be careful, dear. Take care of that beautiful baby.”

“I will, thanks.” 

I watched them wander down the street, Dean jumping up and down as his grandmother tried to keep a hold of his hand. A wisp of a smile appeared on my face as I imagined Riley growing up, so full of innocence and delight. I tried once again to remember that period of my life, but the dull ache threatened to rear its ugly head.

“Well, kiddo. What should we do now?”

Riley blinked, her head so heavy with sleep that she could barely look up at me. My heart ached for her. I kissed the top of her head and headed off down the sidewalk, bare feet and all, towards our favorite park. Riley could have a restful nap and I could start to rationalize what I saw. Ghosts do not exist. Right?

****

 _I put Riley down for a nap. The window was closed. The front door was locked. The window in the living room was only cracked. I didn’t see or hear anything._ I ran through the list in my head as I cradled a now passed out infant in my arms. _Did he break in last night and hide? Where the hell would he even hide?!_ Certainly not in the tiny closet in my bedroom, which barely had enough room for my clothes plus Riley’s many items. Definitely not in the bathroom because I had used it that morning. _So how the hell did he get in? Better yet, how in God’s name did he appear in the kitchen?_

Of all the thoughts going through my head, that was the one I couldn’t fathom. Say this man did find some way into my apartment without alerting me of his presence; that doesn’t explain how he Houdinied himself into my kitchen. It wasn’t a second man because that sinister smile was uncanny. _It’s a ghost._

“That’s insane,” I scolded myself out loud. _Talking to yourself is also insane._

I looked down at my child, her body so small and helpless in my embrace. Had she been tormented by this spirit the entire week? It would explain her restlessness in the apartment, especially at night. They say children and animals are especially sensitive to the supernatural, but why my baby? It’s not like she can even communicate with me that well, let alone a ghost. She was just an innocent and it infuriated me that this spirit felt it necessary to disturb her peaceful existence.

I flexed my jaw, suddenly invigorated by my anger. I was Riley’s mother, her protector. If that sonofabitch thinks he can come into my home, terrorize my daughter and get away with it, he is sorely mistaken.

****

It took me several tries to convince Ginny not to call the police when I asked her to watch Riley while I searched the apartment. I assured her that he seemed more like a confused old man than a murderous rapist, but he had spooked me nonetheless. I promised to sound a verbal alarm if anything seemed wrong and she could dial 911 to her heart’s content. Still, she insisted that I take her nephew’s wooden bat with me just in case.

I honestly didn’t know what to expect as I shuffled towards my front door, which was still hanging wide open. I had the bat over my right shoulder, ready to strike if need be as I stood in the threshold. I stepped into the apartment, leaving the door open at Ginny’s request. The living room and kitchen were deserted, nothing out of place to suggest a robbery. The chill in the air was also gone, but I didn’t let my guard down. 

I slowly made my way from room to room, scrutinizing every possible exit and hiding place. If he was indeed a human being, I wanted to ensure that he didn’t get the drop on me again. It was starting to look more and more like a haunting because not one window, cabinet or corner had been disturbed. I had watched plenty of crime shows and the perp always left some kind of clue whether it was a speck of dirt, a strand of hair or even a telltale scent behind. The place looked just as it always had.

Once I finished my thorough investigation, I stood in the middle of the living room, listening to the quiet around me and waiting for another hair raising feeling to pass over me. The minutes ticked by and everything remained peaceful. In any horror film this was usually the part where the pacified victim let their guard down and the killer/monster/ghost made its move. 

“Make a move, you sonofa--”

“Is everything ok in there?” I jumped at the sound of Ginny’s voice coming from the hallway, cursing under my breath. Leave it to the sweet old lady to scare the living daylights out of me.

“Yeah, Ginny. He’s gone. The coast is clear.”

She poked her head through the front door, worry etched on her face. In her arms she held a sleeping Riley. I made my way over to them, laying the bat against the wall next to the door. I carefully took my daughter from Ginny, relieved that she remained asleep.

“I would really feel better if you stayed with me tonight,” Ginny admitted, throwing suspicious glances around the room.

“I appreciate the offer, but we’ll be fine.” I smiled at my friend, laying a hand on her shoulder. “I’ll call you if anything else happens, I promise.”

“Ok, but you keep the bat,” she insisted. “Swing first, ask questions later.”

I ushered her into the hallway, smiling at the disapproving looks she was sending me. I knew she wanted me to change my mind, but I refused to be driven from my home. We said our goodbyes and I locked the door behind her, even though I was fairly certain it wouldn’t do much good.

Not wanting to leave Riley alone again, I made a spot for her on the couch with pillows and my favorite blanket while I put my forgotten soup into the fridge for later. I had lost my appetite anyway. 

I stood in the middle of the kitchen, my eyes scanning for something I couldn’t put my finger on. There were tiny sparks in my brain alerting me that I knew what had to be done. I squinted, giving it my best effort to concentrate on the nagging feeling. To my surprise, the headache that usually followed when I tried to reach into the depths of my memory didn’t appear. The thought continued to plague me until finally, one word echoed inside my skull loud and clear as if a door had been unlocked and burst open. Salt.

_I need salt. Why do I need salt? I need to protect myself. What is salt going to do? I need to put it along the window sills and doorways. What kind of crazy logic is that?! Just do it!_

“Oh God,” I grumbled, covering my ears as if that would calm the internal battle. “I’m going crazy.”

Still, I was compelled to go to the cabinet and fish around for my container of Morton. I had absolutely no idea where this idea came from, but I had a sneaking suspicion that this wasn’t the first time I had done this. Great, I was a Ghostbuster in my previous life.

As ridiculous as I felt, I went about my current mission making barriers underneath every window in the apartment. Then, I sealed the front door with the very last of the salt I had. I made a mental note to pick up more while I was out tomorrow. Who knows how many times I would have to refresh the lines. 

“This is nuts,” I said to no one in particular as I eyeballed my handy work. 

Still, I couldn’t help feeling a little safer now that I had seasoned the whole place and even more curious as to what hair brain schemes would come to me next. I felt a miniscule shift inside me, like gears slowly clicking into place. Just one more piece of the puzzle revealing itself.

****

Just 90 miles south of the ghostly disturbance, in Alexandria, Virginia, Castiel tilted his head to the side as if listening to a soft whisper. His brow furrowed slightly, but he quickly tried to recover knowing that the Winchesters were ever vigilant. He had not yet mastered the fine art of a poker face and was constantly falling victim to scrutiny. This time was no different.

“You picking up something on your angel radio?” Dean asked, glancing up from his menagerie of weapons on the bedspread. Currently he was cleaning and organizing their arsenal, but more so just killing time.

“No, what do you mean?” Cas answered, feigning innocence. Terribly at that.

“I saw you tuning in Cas,” Dean sighed in frustration. “What’s up?”

“It was not a communication from the Angels.” Cas shifted uncomfortably in his spot by the window. “I was merely checking in on someone.”

“On who?” Sam chimed in, having just come out of the bathroom.

“It is not important. Someone from my past that I promised to keep a close eye on.”

“Is it a chick?” Dean grinned. 

“Why is that of any consequence?”

“Didn’t peg you for a peeping Tom there, Cas.” Dean smirked, but didn’t let up on his interrogation. “Seriously, why won’t you tell us?”

“Yeah Cas, I thought we were done with secrets.” Sam’s tone held a subtle warning as he sat down at the table where his laptop currently resided, not taking his eyes off of the twitchy angel.

“We acquired Sam’s soul back. Dean is settling back into a routine that he is comfortable with. I am blissfully detached from the anarchy going on in Heaven.” Cas sighed, gripping the back of the chair in front of him. “I fear this revelation will derail our current well standing.”

“Look, Cas. Whatever it is, you need to spit it out.” Dean rose from his spot on the bed, weapons forgotten. “The longer you wait, the worse it’s going to be.” He glanced at his brother then and mumbled believe me.

Cas looked between both brothers, knowing that any way he tried to sugar the truth, he was surely going to be facing the Winchester firing squad. His intentions had always been noble, but somehow he always managed to drive a wedge between himself and the humans he was meant to protect.

“Do not be angry with me.”

“Jesus, Cas,” Dean grumbled. 

“This should be good,” Sam sighed, crossing his arms. “Tell us.”

“The person I was checking in on…” Cas cast his eyes down, unable to look at their faces as he revealed his mystery ward. “It’s Y/N.”

Time seemed to stand still as the name hung in the air. The woman who was thought to be dead almost exactly one year ago today. The woman that fought beside the brothers until the end. The woman who had become family and so much more.

“What?” Dean’s question was so shrouded in hurt and disbelief that Cas almost didn’t hear it. 

“She’s still alive.”

“What do you mean she’s still alive?” Sam’s voice was much more forceful, but still nonetheless shocked and dismayed.

“Let me explain.”

“You’re Goddamn right you’re going to explain!” Dean exploded, fists clenched at his sides.

“It was important to keep her safe, especially when I learned that Sam had returned without a soul. I could not be sure that Sam would not harm her.”

“Harm her? I loved her!” Sam stood up so fast that the chair he was sitting on crashed violently to the ground. 

“That is right. You loved her, before the fall. You had no feelings, Sam. You acted on pure instinct. You even tried to harm your own brother when we were close to putting your soul back into your body.” Cas straightened up, trying to make himself look bigger. “I could not allow you to hurt Y/N, physically or emotionally.”

“You had no right!” Sam lunged across the table, but Dean acted quickly and grabbed him by the shoulders, keeping him close.

“I had every right,” Cas countered. “I was charged with keeping the Winchesters safe and I have every intention of doing so.”

“What the hell does that even mean?!” Dean demanded, trying to keep his own rage under control while detaining his brother. 

“She was carrying a child. The last of your bloodline.”


	3. Baby Daddy

The air was practically crackling with tension as silence descended over the room. Cas waited patiently, perched on the arm of the couch as the brothers processed the information. He concluded that it would be best for one of them to break the silence. He never seemed to say or do anything right these days.

Dean had instantly released his brother and sank onto the nearest bed, his expression unreadable. Sam was completely frozen in his spot, save for his jaw working violently. He seemed to be computing something in his mind, his eyes unfocused.

“How far along was she?” Sam’s voice was dull as he finally locked in on Cas.

“I sensed the child immediately.” He cleared his throat. “When I took her away, she was two months along.”

“Two months.” Sam inhaled sharply. “And it’s _our_ bloodline. A Winchester.”

“That is correct.”

Another moment of silence passed before Sam slowly turned to face Dean who was slumped over, face buried in his hands. Sam could feel his entire body heating up, a sea of emotions causing tidal waves inside him. Relief from knowing she was still alive gave away to hurt and anger that he had missed so much time away from her. Now, the icy stab of betrayal replaced all of those feelings.

“So when I said ‘take care of her’ you took that quite literally.” Sam’s attempt at quelling his resentment had failed when the words left his mouth.

“Sam-” Dean started, lifting his head to reveal unshed tears.

“How long?” he spat.

“What?” 

“How long were you fucking her?” Sam took an aggressive step forward, fists clenched. 

“It wasn’t like that, Sam.” Dean held out his hands, palms towards his brother to ward off an attack. 

“It’s always like that with you!” Sam practically growled at him, baring his teeth. “Did you two even bother waiting until I was gone?”

“Don’t you talk about her like that!” Dean stood up, his temper flaring momentarily. Then, he caught himself, realizing that he had to handle his brother with kid gloves when it came to Y/N. “She was devastated, Sam. Hell, I was almost beyond consoling. Nothing happened until months later, I swear.” When Sam said nothing, he continued. 

“She loved you, Sam. What you two had,” he paused, unable to articulate the words that would do his feelings justice. “I couldn’t even touch that.”

“She had your kid, Dean.” Sam shook his head, unable to look at his brother anymore. “I would say that’s pretty fucking _close_.”

Dean knew it was useless to continue this line of talk, especially since he was still trying to process the multitude of what Cas had revealed himself. 

“How did you convince her to leave?” He sounded almost wounded. Despite the fact that he felt enough guilt for taking Sam’s place, he couldn’t shake the hurt that she would up and leave him after all they’d been through. 

“This may also cause you to be angry with me.”

“Oh, for fuck sake!” Sam exploded, carding his fingers through his locks. He was pacing now, trying to keep himself occupied from punching a hole in the wall or through Cas’s face. “What did you do?”

“I may have, locked her memories away.” 

“You wiped her Goddamn memory?!” Cas was right, Dean was supremely pissed.

“With her permission?” Sam asked, a little more curious, but no less angry.

“Not exactly and no,” he answered each of them. “What I did was similar to…” Cas caught himself before he could spill the beans about Sam’s current condition. “I put sort of a protective wall around her memories, but she’s been seeing glimpses recently.”

“So you locked her away, against her will, with no protection?” Dean bellowed.

“I told you, I’ve been keeping watch over her and the child.” Cas was indignant but then a wave of worry passed over his face. “They have been safe until now.”

“Until now?!” Sam couldn’t contain himself any longer and grabbed Cas by his lapels. “What the hell happened?”

“It seems that a supernatural being has caught on to the Winchester scent.” Cas peered over Sam’s shoulder to lock eyes with Dean. “Your daughter was being harassed by a spirit.”

Dean blinked and seemed to zone out for a brief moment. It was the first time hearing that he had a little girl out there in the world and an extreme need to protect both her and the mother of his child overcame him. Nothing else mattered in that moment, not even his own life or his brother’s attitude towards the whole situation. He had to be with them right the fuck now.

“Where are they?” His voice was rough as he started to throw items into his bag without waiting for an answer.

Cas glanced back at Sam, who still had a good hold of his coat, and squared his jaw. 

“Near Gettysburg. She has a little apartment just on the outskirts.”

Sam released him and made quick work of his own belongings, not once making eye contact with his brother. Despite the obvious turn of events that occurred while he was away, he still loved her. He understood the need to move on, but the fact that his own brother stepped up to the plate gave him mixed feelings. He knew Dean was loyal and protective, but he couldn’t shake the jealous tingle inside at the thought of Dean touching her in such an intimate way, giving her a child and the life that he had always pictured. Had she loved Dean more than him? That thought, above anything else, scared him the most.

In a matter of minutes they were packed up, checked out and speeding down the highway. Almost a full thirty minutes passed before Dean decided to break the silence and turned down the music blaring from the speakers.

“What does she remember, Cas?”

“Most of it has been incoherent dreams that she’s been trying to piece together.” Cas shifted in the backseat, bringing his attention from the world speeding by the back window to Dean’s glare in the rearview mirror. “Her hunter instincts are starting to return, but she doesn’t understand why.”

“So why the wall and not completely obliterating her memory?” Sam asked, tension clear in his voice.

“I didn’t intend to keep her away from you forever.” 

“No, you just let us believe she was dead,” Dean growled, gripping the wheel tighter. “You watched us _mourn_ her Cas. Do you have any idea how fucked up that is?”

“If you believed she was dead, then your enemies would as well,” Cas argued, leaning close to both brothers. “She was safer away from you at the time. Your daughter was safer. I did what I thought was best.”

Dean opened his mouth to argue, but quickly snapped it shut. As angry as he was, he knew Cas was right. The minute he realized Sam was home, he knew the apple pie life was over. He could never leave his brother in this hunter lifestyle. How would he have focused on keeping Y/N and his daughter safe when his brother was running around without a soul? Furthermore, how would he have coped if she had chosen Sam instead?

“Can you take the wall down? Give her back her memories?” Sam asked softly.

“I can’t do it all at once. It would be too great a shock to her mind. There would be a risk of breaking her.” Cas slumped back into the seat. “It will have to gradually happen, with and without my interference.”

“So then what’s the plan? We can’t just kidnap her and the kid.” Dean grumbled, taking another exit.

“I’m confident that she’ll be receptive to what we have to tell her. She’s already come to terms that she encountered a ghost.”

“Yeah, but what about us? I doubt she’ll willingly come with a couple of strangers.” The thought of her not remembering him, stabbed Dean right through the heart.

“She will remember you.” Cas looked from Dean to Sam, watching their solemn expressions. “Both of you. If her dreams are any indication of that.”

****

I was lying on a familiar bed, looking up at the ceiling as the soft rain padded across the windows. I always loved the sound, it was oddly soothing especially when I couldn’t seem to fall asleep. The warm body next to me stirred and I stole a glance at his face, eager to see if he was starting to wake up. A ghost of a smile was on his lips as he flipped on his right side to face me, but didn’t open his eyes. 

I longed for him to wake up and share this moment with me, _missing_ his tender embrace and soft lips against my own. I actually found myself missing him despite his proximity. I wanted him to give me that thousand watt smile and say my name with a longing that set my heart on fire.

As if he could somehow read my thoughts, his eyes fluttered open and focused on me. I blushed slightly, realizing he had caught me staring at him while he slumbered. 

“Hey you,” I whispered. He smiled softly and reached out to grab my elbow.

“C’mere,” he murmured and the sound sent electricity through my body.

I scooted closer so our bodies were touching and he was able to drape his arm around my waist. I caressed his face, watching as he sighed contently and leaned into my touch. I felt as though my heart couldn’t be more full than it was at that very moment. I loved this man.

This man. His name was on my tongue. Then, as always, I shot up in bed.

“Fuck,” I grumbled, holding my head as the pain coursed through my temples. I just knew it was a lost memory and not a vivid dream by the intensity of the headache. I was being punished for trying to get a glimpse of a life I no longer had.

I reached for the ever present bottle of Excedrin and water on my nightstand, cursing silently as the child proof cap fought back for a moment. I quickly downed the pills and water before flinging the covers off of me and quietly padding over to Riley’s crib. I had decided to move her into my bedroom so we could both try and get a couple hours rest before dinner. Our unexpected activity that afternoon had left us both drained.

She looked so precious sleeping on her back, her tiny eyelashes a contrast against her smooth, porcelain skin. Her tiny lips puckered and she made content little sounds while she dreamt. This kid had my heart swooning.

I crept into the kitchen on high alert, every little sound earning my attention as I distractedly looked through the fridge and cabinets for something to eat. I cursed myself, realizing that I had neglected to visit the grocery store as I had planned before our ghostly visitor. I guess it was leftover soup for me and some delightful formula for Riley. 

Just as I touched the start button on the microwave I heard a knock at the front door. It was short and light, just like Ginny always knocked and I quickly made my way over to it. She was probably still worried about us and I couldn’t blame her. Her daughter had moved away with her grandson, so Riley was a shining light in her life. If anyone loved her just as much as I did, Ginny was it.

Without a second thought I opened the door, mouth open and ready to greet my darling neighbor. My mood quickly changed to confusion and slight dread when I was faced with an empty hallway. 

“Ginny?” I asked tentatively, already knowing I wouldn’t receive an answer.

Instantly the air around me grew cold and I glanced down, realizing that my barrier of salt around the front door had been broken when I opened it. Oh shit.

The next thing I knew, I was being knocked backwards onto my ass and the front door slammed shut. I cried out in surprise, looking around frantically for the spirit to show itself but was met with an empty room. I still sensed that it was there, just watching me, tormenting me with its presence. I slowly got to my feet and started to back away from the foyer towards the kitchen where I still had a small helping of salt on the counter.

It must have sensed my intention because I was immediately pinned to a wall, a steady pressure on my neck. I screamed, hoping someone would hear me, although it would have been hard to explain my current situation if they hadn’t seen it themselves. The grizzly face from before flickered in and out in front of me, his filthy hands securely around my neck. He was smiling that eerie smile of his and I was instantly terrified that this would be the last thing I saw before my lights went out.

I struggled with the cold fingers cutting off my air supply, kicking at nothing it seemed because I couldn’t feel my feet connecting with any fleshy part of his body. Apparently he could harm me but I was defenseless against him. My eyesight started to get spotty just when Riley let out a tiny wail signaling that she was awake. The noise caught the spirit’s attention and he tilted his head to the side, grinning even wider at me.

“No,” I gurgled. “You stay the fuck away from her!” I managed to yell through my choked windpipes.

Another distressed sound from Riley caused my adrenaline to kick into high gear and I screamed long and loud, the last of my breath being carried away with it. 

I heard a muffled call of a name through the front door before a steady pounding sounded, but I couldn’t concentrate on it because my ears felt like they were stuffed with cotton. Seconds later, the door buckled inward and three figures came charging into the room. I could only make out the shape of their frames as my eyes filled with tears, but one came rushing towards me with some kind of a weapon. If I had been more coherent I would have rejoiced.

In an instant I was released and came crashing to the floor, a searing pain rippling through my lungs as air rushed back in. I wheezed and coughed, trying to regain my composure as my unknown rescuer knelt at my side, giving me words of comfort that I still couldn’t make out. Then, with much effort I pointed towards my bedroom, not caring if these were strangers. Right now, just about anyone was aces in my book above that menacing ghost.

“My--daughter--” I panted.

They must have gotten the gist because the taller one disappeared into the hallway. He returned in an instant with a crying bundle and it was music to my ears. I smiled despite the discomfort in my chest and knees, a bi-product of crumpling onto the floor without catching myself.

“We should leave before it comes back.” I heard a voice say and it caused a tingle inside of me. It was _familiar_.

“You OK to walk, sweetheart?” It was my hero speaking now and I blinked a few times so I could focus on his face.

My heart fluttered when I gazed into his green eyes, full of worry and sadness. His rugged face was spotted with freckles and a few tiny scars, a five o’clock shadow scattered across his cheeks and chin. Maybe it was the lack of oxygen to my brain, but I could swear I was looking at someone I had known for ages.

“Y-yeah, I think so.” 

I let him help me to my feet, one arm protectively around my waist and the other hand gripping my arm to steady me. Once I was able to plant my feet I grabbed his arms, holding him at a reasonable distance and just stared. I realized I probably looked like a real creeper staring at him like that, but I had to anchor myself to this feeling. 

“Dean,” another deep voice spoke. “We need to evacuate this building before the spirit returns.”

“Dean?” I whispered, my eyes widened a fraction and I felt as though something had punched me in the gut. That name. His face. “I know you?” It came out more of a question than anything.

“Yeah,” he sighed, a shadow of a smile turning up the corner his lips. “Yeah, sweetheart, you know me.”

I hadn’t noticed that Riley had grown quiet until she made a little gurgling sound and I whipped my head in her direction. My breath caught in my throat as I finally zoned in on the tall man holding my baby. He was watching me closely, a sheen of moisture in his eyes as if he would burst into tears at any moment. I slowly walked towards him, studying him the same way I had been scrutinizing Dean. Flashes of his smile, his laugh, blood, and tears knocked the wind out of me once again.

“I know you too, don’t I?”

He didn’t speak, just nodded and I sensed that if he spoke his words would break with emotion. He offered Riley to me and I happily accepted her, still not breaking eye contact with him. If only I could remember his name on my own.

“Sarah! My God, are you OK?” I startled when I heard Ginny’s voice to my left and broke the spell between the tall one and myself.

“I’m fine, Ginny. We’re fine.” I cracked a smile and motioned to the gentlemen surrounding me. “These guys heard me scream, came to my aid.”

She squinted at them, not completely trusting of their convenient timing, but thankful that Riley and I were unharmed. 

“I called the police. They should be here any minute.”

“Shit,” Dean hissed.

“We do not have time for the authorities.” The blue eyed, trench coat wearing man deadpanned. “We need to get them to safety before the vengeful spirit comes back.”

“Vengeful spirit?” Ginny squeaked. “Are you young men on drugs?” 

“We’ll explain in the car,” the tall one offered. 

“You’re not going anywhere with--” Ginny’s words were cut short when blue eyes placed two fingers on her forehead. She crumbled to the ground like a sack of potatoes.

“Oh my God!” I cried, hugging Riley closer and backing away slightly. “What did you do to her?”

“Cas, dammit!” Dean scolded. “This is the exact opposite of easing her into this.”

“She will be fine. I merely induced sleep.” Cas started towards the front door. “She will wake up with no memory of what happened.”

I could hear the sounds of sirens a couple blocks away and I nearly went into panic mode. Part of my brain was going insane with red flags. Vengeful spirits and weirdo magicians? How could I be sure he wouldn’t whammy me with some sleeping spell? _Because Cas would never harm you_. Another flash from my subconscious telling me things that I struggled to believe.

“Look, I know this probably seems crazy right now,” Dean offered, tentatively gripping my elbow. “I swear we’re not going to hurt you or your daughter.” He swallowed hard when his voice cracked on the word. “We just need to keep you safe.”

My eyes flittered back and forth between all three of them, my temples pulsing with another oncoming headache. I was getting close to the truth and my body knew it. It was rebelling just like after every dream, every passing recognition. It was scary, exhilarating, and exhausting all at the same time. 

“Ok,” I resigned. “Dean.”


	4. Peeking Through the Blinds

For the better part of ten minutes I heard nothing but garbled voices. Sometimes they were speaking to each other, but I’m fairly certain they were directing a lot of questions and comments at me. I sat in the backseat of the old classic, cradling Riley in my arms while she drifted in and out of consciousness. 

Flashes of reality and what I assumed were memories kept scrambling my brain. I couldn’t focus on anything that was happening. These three men were from my past and I blindly followed them into their car, watching as my apartment disappeared in the rear window. Essentially, my new life was being swept away the further we drove and I was overwhelmed.

“Is that my name?” I finally snapped out of it when Dean repeated a name that had been spoken a dozen times since they came bursting through my door.

“Yeah. Do you recognize it?”

“It feels right…” I drifted off, glancing at my own reflection in the window. 

“What else feels right?” Sam, whose name I now knew, asked tentatively.

I looked at him and drew in a shaky breath. “I feel that trusting you is the right thing. I’m fairly certain that you guys won’t hurt me.”

“Fairly?” Dean asked, raising his eyebrow which I could see from the rearview mirror.

“Jury is still out. We obviously know each other and you saved my life.” I threw a worried glance at Cas, who sat next to me with a thoughtful stare. “But that hoodoo you hit Ginny with didn’t exactly make me feel all warm and fuzzy.”

“That was not hoodoo. I am an angel of the Lord,” Cas replied matter-of-factly. “I simply used my angelic powers to send her into a state of sleep so she would not delay us any longer.”

I stared at him, an unreadable expression on my face. An angel. Sure, why the hell not? As if my day hadn’t been insane enough. I vaguely heard a chuckle come from Dean’s seat while Sam resigned to a tired sigh and turned back towards the front.

“You couldn’t keep a lid on the angel thing for a little bit longer?” Dean scolded. “We’re trying not to bombard her with weird shit all in one night.”

“Dude, language,” I interjected with my best mom voice. “All I need is for my daughter’s first word to be four letters.”

“Sorry,” he mumbled sheepishly. “What’s her name, anyway?”

“Riley,” I answered with a goofy smile on my face. I looked down at her, relieved to see that her eyes were closed once again. “Now she’s an angel.”

“She’s not a celestial being,” Cas corrected. “But she is very beautiful, like her mother.”

“Thank you,” I answered, a blush rising in my cheeks. I decided to ignore the first part of his comment as I determined figures of speech were completely lost on him.

“She really is gorgeous,” Sam added, looking longingly at Riley. There was a hint of something behind his smile that suddenly made me sad for him. 

“What can I say? When I do something, I do it right.” I grinned widely, hoping to bring up his mood. “Which brings me to a very important question. Do you know who Riley’s father is?”

I could literally feel the atmosphere change in the car when I uttered my last syllable. Sam turned his attention back to the front of the car and gulped audibly. Dean’s grip tightened ever so slightly and I could make out the creases in his forehead from where I sat. He too had his eyes fixated on the road ahead. Cas seemed undisturbed, but what else was new?

“You do know,” I implored. “Please tell me.”

“I think in your current state, that would be fundamentally bad,” Cas said.

“What do you mean? Is he a bad guy?”

“You’ve been through a lot tonight,” Dean clarified. “We’re worried too much information may crash your brain.”

“I can handle it.” I furrowed my brows, glancing between all three of them and watching their anxiety rise to new levels. “Oh God, is he a serial killer? A monster?” I wrinkled my nose. “A relative?”

“What? No!” Dean defended. “It’s nothing like that, but it’s...complicated.”

“Complicated? Really?” I scowled at him and leaned forward just enough to not disturb Riley. “I woke up a year ago pregnant and alone. I had no idea who I was, where I came from or what the hell I was going to do. I had to build a new life from the ground up. I’ve suffered through excruciating migraines and inexplicable dreams trying to get to the truth. Tonight, the rug was pulled out from under me. I deserve some damn answers.”

Silence descended after my rant and I watched curiously as Sam and Dean had an entire conversation using only their facial expressions. Sam’s jaw was tensing and I could see a slight flare in his nostrils. Dean was a little harder to read, but mostly because I couldn’t see his whole face.

“She’s mine.” 

Dean’s confession was so soft that I almost missed it. My eyes widened as I looked down at her contented face, picturing her sparkling green orbs looking back at me with so much awe and curiosity. I flashed back to the kitchen when Dean had crouched beside me and I got a decent look at him.

“She has your eyes,” I gasped, slowly turning my attention to his now weary face in the mirror. 

The edges of my vision blurred as a memory started to form right before my eyes. I found myself in a quaint little kitchen, perched atop a counter with my head thrown back in a fit of giggles. Dean stood in between my legs, his hands resting on my hips and a sly smirk on his face. He seemed very pleased with my reaction. I reached out to grab his shoulders, trying to pull myself together unsuccessfully. Whatever the joke was, I had never seemed happier.

Just as quickly as the memory came into view, it was gone in the same instant. I blinked and shook my head, pleased to find that my head wasn’t hurting.

“We were happy,” I mumbled. Despite the joyous memory, I felt a wave of sadness that our time had been cut short. “Why did we break up?”

“We didn’t...break up,” Dean admitted. “I didn’t know...I never would have…”

“I made them believe you were dead,” Cas finished.

“Cas. Seriously. Tact.” Sam scolded.

“I was merely trying to assist Dean. He seemed to be at a loss for words.”

“How could you do that?” I hissed quietly, glaring at the angel. “All this time, Riley could have had her father. I wouldn’t have been on my own!”

“Y/N, you need to calm down.” Cas made to touch my forehead but I flinched away. 

“Like Hell!” I instantly regretted the volume in which I spat my words because Riley made a heartbreaking squeal that indicated she was on the verge of waking up. “Oh no, no baby, I’m sorry. Mommy’s sorry.”

“I am concerned for your mental state at this moment,” Cas continued. “Please, let me put you at ease.”

“Do. Not. Touch. Me.” I said through clenched teeth. 

“Cas,” Dean bellowed, not too loudly. “Keep your damn hands off her. You’re making it worse.”

“Y/N.” Sam turned to look at me with those beautiful, empathetic eyes. “We promise that we’ll explain everything later. Just focus on keeping Riley comfortable right now. She needs you.”

As I caught his gaze, a white streak of pain pierced my brain and I barely bit down the urge to vomit. Another string of memories, although they were hazy and flashed like a strobe light, came through. Sam and I were engaged in a heated argument, me stretched out in the back of the car listening to Dean lecture Sam on the “awesomeness” of Led Zeppelin, driving a wooden stake into someone’s heart while blood splattered onto my face, a passionate kiss with Sam.

I felt tears welling in my eyes as the world started to spin. I recognized that I was going to pass out and quickly handed Riley to Sam, not wanting to risk her slipping from my arms. The last thing I remember was Cas reaching for me, seemingly to keep my head from cracking against the window.

****

“I can’t let you do this, Sam. It’s suicide,” I hissed.

“Look, I know what I’m doing. I can hold him.” Sam reached for me but I stepped back, arms crossed in a defensive manner. “You have to trust me.”

“What the hell is wrong with you two?!” I screamed, looking between Sam and Dean, who was seated on one of the dingy motel beds. “Why are you both so eager to hand your asses over to these dicks?”

They were both silent. They looked tired, older, devoid of hope. 

“If there was anything else…” 

“Throwing yourself into the pit? That’s your master plan?!” My voice cracked at the end, tears already spilling over onto my cheeks. I was angry and distraught. This couldn’t be happening.

“Babe…” Again he reached for me and this time I turned and marched towards the door. I didn’t know where I was going, but I knew I couldn’t stand by and condone this lunacy. I refused to lose either one of those crazy bastards.

I usually woke up suddenly, drenched in sweat when dreams like this occurred, but instead I opened my eyes slowly and allowed the sights, sounds and smells of my environment to creep in naturally. That sickening migraine was gone and I immediately wondered if Cas had something to do with it. I suddenly had in depth knowledge of everything he was capable of, most of which I had seen firsthand. It seemed that my ‘Cas box’ was being unlocked at a startling rate.

The first thing I noticed was the hideous bedspread as I laid on my left side and I wrinkled my nose. How I longed for my fluffy, grey fleece blanket that I used to curl up with while Riley rested on my chest.

As if on cue, I heard her tiny giggle from across the room and I lifted my head enough to seek her out. She was currently standing on Dean’s knees as he sat at the little table, his hands tucked under her armpits, supporting her. They were having their own private conversation which I didn’t want to interrupt because the look on his face was the closest thing to pure joy that I had ever seen. 

So he was Riley’s father. We had been together at some point and we had seemed happy. Then why did I have memories of kissing Sam? He had called me ‘Babe’ in the dream too, right? I couldn’t imagine that I was the cheating kind, but then again I had lived a completely different life before this one. Who knows what kind of person I used to be. 

“You’re awake.” I blinked at the sound of Dean’s voice, unaware that I had been staring without seeing.

“Yeah.” I cleared my throat and sat up. “Sorry about that. I guess you were right about being overwhelmed,” I confessed sheepishly.

He stood up with Riley hugged closely to his chest and made his way over to the bed. I scooted over so he could sit down right next to me and smiled when Riley made a sound of recognition when she saw my face.

“Sam should be back soon with some food and supplies. I know you’re probably hungry and this little lugnut has set off a bomb in her pants.”

“Well, she loves to eat so it’s a constant revolving door.”

“Loves to eat, huh?” He looked down at her chubby cheeks with adoration in his eyes. “She’s definitely a Winchester.”

I smiled even as tears welled in my eyes, a sudden emotional wave hitting me as I watched Dean hold her, call her his own. 

“Hey, hey, what’s wrong sweetheart?”

“I’m just being a sap.” I wiped at my eyes, feeling silly. “I’m just glad you two finally got to meet.”

“I’m so sorry, Y/N.” He grabbed my hand and ran his thumb over my knuckles, cradling his daughter in his other arm. “I will never forgive Cas for letting you go through this alone.”

“I’m just relieved that you didn’t--” I bit my lip, a stray tear sliding down my cheek. “That you didn’t leave because of Riley.”

“No way in Hell,” he hissed, swiping the tear from my face. “I don’t turn my back on family.”

“I had so many scenarios in my head about what happened to her father.” I reached out and caressed her soft head, admiring her curious eyes that I now knew belonged to Dean. “He was killed, he was a one night stand, he was abusive and I ran away.” I shook my head, frowning. “Of all those things, it still hurt the most to imagine that he left us. I could handle it if he didn’t want me, but Riley…”

“I will always want you,” he confessed, a roughness in his voice that spoke volumes. It actually sent a thrilling buzz throughout my body. “You’re my baby mama after all,” he joked.

“I may not have all of my memories back yet, but I’m pretty sure that sounds all kinds of wrong coming from you.” I laughed, my tears dissipating.

“More things coming back?” He asked, a mixture of dread and hopefulness in his voice.

“Yeah, I uh…” I bit my lip, unsure if this was a can of worms I was willing to open. “I remember an argument with you and Sam.”

“You’ll have to be a little more specific, sweetheart. We argue about a lot.”

“It was about your brilliant plan to stop the apocalypse.”

“Oh.” He frowned. “Right.”

“Yeah.” I pulled on a loose string that stuck out from the comforter, trying to distract myself. “I was pretty pis--angry,” I corrected myself, realizing innocent ears were listening.

“It’s going to be hard watching myself around her.” He was referring to the cursing that was constantly being thrown around. 

“You get used to it.” I shrugged. “Nice try with the subject change though.”

“Look, it’s not that I’m trying to change the subject.” He readjusted his hold on Riley as she started to wriggle some in his grasp. “I just don’t want to rehash crap that doesn’t matter anymore.”

“Doesn’t matter? You two idjits were going to sacrifice yourselves. Wait.” I frowned, tilting my head to the side as a gruff voice echoed in my head when the words came out of my mouth. “Idjit…” 

Dean was watching me expectantly as my face morphed into several emotions. Confusion. Sadness. Fondness. Recognition. 

“Bobby!” I smiled broadly. “I remember--” I jerked as an onslaught of memories paraded through my head. Arguing with the old man over the best brand of bourbon, falling asleep at his desk amongst a mountain of dusty books, crying out in agony as I watched him crumble to the ground when Sam snapped his neck with a flick of his wrist.

“Oh God!” I cried, shooting to my feet and backing away from the bed as if I could escape the horrible scene playing behind my eyes. I could hear Dean’s voice calling out to me, but I couldn’t focus on what he was saying. “He killed him. Sam killed him.”

It was at that exact moment the younger Winchester came through the door, bags in his arms. He stopped cold when he registered what I was saying, his eyes darting between me and a distraught looking Dean holding a baby with a quivering lip.

“Sam?” I whimpered. I wanted to go to him, to slap him and beat against his chest. I wanted to grab him and cry. I wanted to hold him and kiss his damned fool face. “I...I saw you.”

“You saw me what?” He gingerly set the bags down on the ground, nudging the door closed with his foot. “What’s going on, Y/N?”

“Bobby,” I whispered. “He tried to stop you and…”

“Sweetheart, listen to me.” Dean held a placating hand out towards me, afraid of what I may do next. “It wasn’t Sam. Remember the argument you just told me about?”

I just nodded, my eyes wide and trained on Sam. I wasn’t about to let him out of my sight.

“It was Lucifer, Y/N. Sam wasn’t in control.” Dean’s voice wavered as he had flashbacks of his own; his face beaten to a bloody pulp as his brother stood over him smirking. “You were there. Remember.”

I could feel the pressure in my chest tighten as my breathing had been erratic, my heart beating wildly. I tried to quiet my internal struggle and focus on what Dean was imploring me to remember. I dared to close my eyes, although a shiver of unease passed through me when I lost sight of Sam. Dean will protect me.

I reluctantly revisited the scene that had revealed Bobby’s death to me. I felt the soft breeze on my face, smelled the open air which was tainted with the afterburn of fire and oil. The scenery came into focus as I saw tombstones and tall grass surrounding me. I was there. Then, I heard the sickening crack of his bones and Dean’s scream in the background. I felt the tears burn against my eyelids as I watched him fall to the ground, then slightly blur as I turned to face Sam with an strangled cry. His face belonged to him, but there was something sinister hiding behind those familiar eyes. He froze me with a stare that was so evil, so unlike the man I had known that I couldn’t catch my breath. I felt helpless as I watched him observe me, wondering what agonizing death he had planned for me. Then, I felt complete despair settle into my bones as I compelled myself to look past his cold eyes. Sam would be forced to watch me die at his own hands. It broke me.

Sam, who I used to help gang up on Dean when the prank wars would start. Sam, who I teased about the time he lost his shoe and was chased by psycho clowns. Sam, who never let me sleep on the couch when we had to share a room and vowed to keep his hands to himself. Sam, who nervously admitted his feelings for me after a particularly close call. Sam, who kissed me so passionately that I thought my insides would turn to mush. Sam, who threw himself into the pit to save us all. 

“Sam!” I cried out, falling to my knees with the weight of every feeling that came crashing down on me. “I’m sorry Sam, I’m sorry,” I babbled in between sobs. “You were gone and I lost you and I couldn’t--”

“It’s ok, baby, calm down.” I heard his voice before I felt the familiar warmth of his embrace. I nearly climbed into his lap trying to get close enough, throwing my arms around his neck. “I’m here now, it’s ok.”

I continued to cry as images and feelings bombarded me. It felt like every vein in my body was pumping blood too fast and I may burst at the sheer volume of information that was unlocking inside my brain. I was so busy unloading tears and probably snot onto Sam’s shirt that I didn’t notice the thicker substance dripping down my nose, over my lips and disappearing under my chin.

“You’re bleeding!” Dean’s voice cut into our bubble.

“Who’s…” Sam started, pulling away in confusion. When his eyes landed on my face, he paled. “Jesus, your nose.”

“Huh?” I lifted a hand to my nose and pulled it back when I felt the familiar ooze between my fingertips. I stared at the dark red blood with frightened eyes. There was just so much.

“I told you this was too much! Cas!” Dean yelled in a panic. 

Riley had begun to cry at this point and Dean was doing his best to console her, despite his own anxiety attack. He held her tiny little head to his chest, shielding her one ear with his large hand as he continued to call for the angel. 

“I don’t feel well,” I murmured as Sam hurriedly shed his flannel. He pressed it to my face firmly, trying to stop the flow. I covered his hands with my own shaking ones before my vision started to blur. 

The last thing I could make out was the flutter of wings before my world went dark once again.

**Author's Note:**

> Charly Baltimore is the main character from the movie, The Long Kiss Goodnight


End file.
